Ok. like my previous post said. I've had a rough morning. I poured my heart into a very long post about Viet and I and our marriage and now it's gone. so i've tried to recreate it the best I could, but for any of you have written something you truly believed in and lost it entirely–you know the feeling. and it's ok, because I wrote some new things this time around and forgot some other things. keepin it real:
Sorry my blogging has been slow this week. It's just not the same blogging on my ipad every day compared to my laptop. I have high hopes that Viet can fix my laptop (what would I do without him :), so hopefully I'll be up and running soon. I have some more dress posts to do, but the pictures are trapped in my laptop. . . so those posts are TBD.
In the meantime I thought I would give you all a little background on how Viet and I are approaching and thinking about our wedding and marriage. I know up to this point I've mostly done lots of simple, picture-heavy posts, but I'm hoping to start a keepin it real series where I can share some of my more serious thoughts about not merely living. This is especially for anyone out there who may have stumbled upon my blog without knowing me that well. So here goes.
This wedding isn't an easy undertaking. Weddings never are I guess. But ours is difficult because we are such strikingly different people and with such strikingly different families are joining together (like many unions in San Fran and across the country).
And even outside of our familial and cultural differences, we are quite different people in many ways. But those differences are also what makes our union so awesome. We have completely different strengths and skills. We are very much polar opposites, which can make us an unstoppable team. We constantly are learning more about each other and ourselves, and we have both been forced to let go of many of our life assumptions. I do not say this lightly. I had no idea how closed off my vision of the way people experienced the world was until I fell in love with Viet.
Soooo, we're having a big wedding ya'll. and i mean big (to be clear. this is big by my standards and not necessarily by Viet's standards because he has a lot of family, and they have very large weddings). We have chosen to include as much of our families as we can. that means kids and cousins and friends. this was the first and biggest decision that impacts all others. but there really wasn't a choice. Family looks differently to everyone (another lesson I've learned from Viet), and it's important to us to include both of our families. done. check.
But there is a lot that goes along with having a big wedding, and I don't want it to feel like a production. It's still just our lil ole wedding, just lots of people will be there, sooo it won't be so lil :).
We're having a Big Catholic Vietnamese-Southern, Frisco wedding. Which is AWESOME. but it's also hard. and big. am i repeating myself? and I have to tell you that I've been feeling a bit negative and overwhelmed by the bigness of it all. The amount of planning, $$ involved, and the sheer number of folks that we are inviting is a bit overwhelming. or a lot overwhelming.
I'm trying to focus on how awesome and exciting it's going to be to join our lives together in front of all the people we care most about. I think maybe I always imaged that I'd have a smaller, more intimate wedding. But instead we get to have all the people we love and care about there with us, so it seems like a fair trade. It won't be intimate, but it will be fun.
Wedding planning is such an interesting reminder that marriages aren't about getting what you want all the time, because it's not just about you anymore. It's about making a space to live your lives in a way that makes you both happy. and in doing so, you have to be willing to sacrifice.
As Viet told me, this is bigger than us. no pun intended.
And i think it's bigger than us and it isn't. because marriage is not just some step that we are taking because we think we should. because people do. Because I don't want to get married just because we're supposed to–
It is only as big as us. because it is a choice that we are making. a choice that we take very seriously.
Viet and I had many intense and difficult conversations about marriage before we got engaged and about whether or not it was right for us and for our lives. We both have wanted to get married, but we also know that marriage will be hard and that having our own family will be hard. because we are so different.
I'm a morning person and he's not 🙂
but in all seriousness, we know that we will both have to make sacrifices to be together. we will have to grow towards each other. We must make peace (or at least be fully aware) with each other and who we are and who we will be and won't be, if that makes sense. Because we want to go into a life union with our eyes and hearts wide open.
To know yourself is to love yourself. I think the same goes for relationships. To know who we are as a couple, is the only way to keep our love strong and healthy.
which leads me to Viet's engagement card:
"Life is slippery. Here, take my hand."
still makes me tear up. because it's true. It's all about choosing to live your life with someone else. someone to slip with. and there is no one else's hand I rather be holding than Viet's. we know life gets reallll slippery. and we know we will fall. but at least we'll be together. We choose to live our lives together. to struggle and to celebrate together.
which reminds me of another card I mailed to Viet right after we started dating and right after I had moved back to Chile. Do you know the story of how we fell in love in Vegas? I'll have to save that for another post. 🙂
But the card said: "So glad we took the chance."
and I am.
Without the fanfare, our marriage would still just be about the two of us choosing to spend our lives together. I believe that strongly. It is only as big as us. and our choice. any marriage is only as big as the two who choose to live it and create it.
It is a choice to be a part of something that is bigger than us. And sooo it really must be both at the same time. both bigger than us and only as big as us because this wedding is not just about us. which is important. We do not live in a vacuum. We are a part of our families and our communities. and they will all be a part of our marriage and our lives. our friends and our families make us who we are, and we will need them to help us throughout our marriage. so it's appropriate and comforting that they will all be there with us as we commit to each other.
and lastly, our wedding will be FUN. That's our goal of the day. We chose the exploratorium because it's soooo fun, and we've got a lot of really cool stuff planned for the site. We want everyone to have a day filled with joy and happiness and fun. Because that really symbolizes are life together and what we want our marriage to be.
So, for now, I'm going to focus on planning and being joyful and thankful for all of our friends and families. I will not spend the next year stressing out about things that will not matter to us after the wedding. I will keep present in my mind that we are so lucky to have so many amazing people in our lives and to be able to share this precious day with them.
I will focus on the excitement. the joy. and the love (the reason we're getting married). love you b.
Keepin it real: M+V style
Let me know your thoughts!