oh the piling lists of undone things. As I've been silent for a while, I'll take a second to just get my thoughts out.
when you're tired and weary, it's easy to let the weight of undone things overwhelm you. to let it suffocate you and weigh you down.
the months have flown by, and I have been busy and productive, but I've missed this screen (this one in front of me). missed the chance to celebrate life as it is happening--the chance to document the moments as they're unfolding. I've got plenty of excuses. mainly, I still don't know how to move my domain. secondly, I've been working too much to figure out how to move my domain.
I've been doing good things for good reasons. I was just saying to an old college friend I met up with tonight that I have the kind a job (that I'm thankful to have) that when you work more hours than normal you still feel good about it (albeit a bit tired) because you're just so grateful to be working for the kind of place that does great things.
that said, when work fills up the minutes, there are things left undone.
and it turns out my life priorities work this way (not necessarily proud of this but being honest):
-work (and when there is more work to be done. . . -more work)
-people--friends, family, viet (when you're stressed and tired it's the moments with people who make you smile and laugh that keep you going-go figure)
-keeping our lives afloat (which basically means laundry and dishes and cat)
and then after that it's a jumble of weddingplanningandpersonaltasks(needing glasses and haircuts and a jacket for goodness sake).
and then, after all that, it's the things I love to do like reading and blogging. and when i have this last bit of time left, I choose reading.--so. close. to. finishing. Great. Houseeeeeee. (an awesome book by Nicole Krauss that you should read) Have I mentioned it before? probably so since I started reading it zillions of months ago.
and yet here i am. I haven't blogged in months because I've been so fricking pi***d off that I haven't had the time to figure out how to move my domain (I am like a helpless child when it comes to domains).
and I built this beautiful new blog. I wasn't lying when I told you I did. I did! I promise. Want to see it?
I was going to do this big unveiling after I spent so many moments trying to make the new blog design feel like me. but months later with little words to show for it, my blogging has essentially halted (since life as it does got in the way), but I have this beautiful thing I made (beautiful to me at least). There's nothing on it yet, and there are still some major tweaks to be made, some pages to be filled, but what do you think?
here it is better to put it out there then to leave it unseen.
do you like it? I'm sure it's one of those things that only matters to me, and I swear I'm going to figure out a way to move my domain name so that you can go to www.notmerelyliving.com and end up at that new blog. My friend fanny is working on helping me to make this happen.
anyways, just writing all this down makes me feel better. I write for a living every day, but writing when you're the only one who really cares about it (I mean I know you guys care and all but you know what I mean. . .), then you're writing because it reminds you who you are and who you want to be and how you like to grab on to the world--by clinging to little pieces of moments and marking the day--and that's what makes you feel in check. helps you navigate the sleepless nights and breathless days.
and as I'm already rambling, I'll say, it's almost my birthday. and I never imagined that when I hit this birthday (which isn't a number that would necessarily mean anything to anyone else but has always had this magical quality to me)---I never imagined when I hit this birthday that I would be where I am. but I'm grateful to be here.
I'm grateful to be in this city I love with a man I love and a job I love and friends I freakin love and a whole list of things left undone. because having things undone just means there's more of life to be filled (or not). Here's to letting yourself not get everything done. here's to putting yourself on the page.
oh blogging. so good to be here again.