I love E. E. Cummings, and I love poetry. and I'm feeling we need more poetry on the blog. What do you think?
The most frequent question I get asked in the first 30 seconds of most of my conversations now is:
How's married life treating you?
It's interesting how these life markers marriage really change the tenor and content of our conversations and polite speech. Some people always pause after they ask as if they expect me to say something shocking. as if they're waiting for some truth of the truth.
I think I always answer in the same way. I say, It's wonderful.(because it is) It's great. (really. we really like each other) We love it. (we're blissful even)
and when I'm asked if marriage feels different I say, yes, in fact. It's like exhaling into your life. It is like the still after the storm. It's that moment when the storm has come and gone- when the tornado somehow obliterated the barn but left the house in tact- it's the moment when you just cling to each other and simmer in your grateful joy. (ha-not to make it seem like all weddings are storms! they're great. Just big and powerful and life altering. :)
It doesn't mean we don't still disagree somehow magically (ha! wouldn't that be awesome). We do (and always will) because we're different people. and we're real. Now, we just catch ourselves more easily. and we are more quick to remind ourselves that we are each speaking FAPOL.
We are mostly quick to laugh and slow to anger. Even when we are down in the dumps we find a way to make a joke of things. Viet has recently been through a bout of what he calls "the grumps," which I quickly admitted that I don't get as often but are also not nearly as bad as "the bi**hes" I get some times.
So people ask, what makes it different? and I tell them that the single most unexpected benefit from married life (aside from the fact that I get the same employee discount at all Gap stores that Viet does! NO JOKE ya'll!), the single most unexpected benefit is that we are more actively caretaking. It's true and hard to explain.
I don't mean to say that we weren't taking care of each other before. and not to make it seem like we weren't sweet or kind or good to each other before we were.
but now, being each other's person means more than it has before. I am his family. me. and he is mine.
so somehow it seems like it's more my active responsibility to make sure he is happy and safe and cared for- and that feeling isn't scary. It's nice and warm. Like a marriage snuggie.
that's what (our) marriage feels like right out of the gate. and it's awesome. trust me.
and since I know/am sure that it will not always be this easy (it hasn't always been this easy before), I'm just trying to be grateful for it now.
That's how married life is treating me.