If I could sum this week up (I can’t, but if I was going to try), I would say: Bigger, Brighter, Stronger!
Your personality is shining so bright, my love. I feel like we know each other better now. You really seem to see me, and you’re grinning and talking and cooing. And, lady, you have a lot to say! I wonder where you got that from. When you’re awake you make noises that sound like you’re speaking in your own language. I joke with your dad that he’s going to have his ears full with the two of us. 🙂
You sigh sometimes like you’re already 17, and you lay your forehead on your arm sometimes like you’ve had a hard day.
This week we got serious about tummy time. Up until now I’ve been having you do it once a day, but usually only for a very short amount of time until you get angry (you’ve kinda hated tummy time). This week I decided I needed to try to get down to your level more, so I’ve also gotten down on my tummy. This helped. You seemed to be connecting with me more, and you were willing to stay in tummy time longer. Then I brilliantly figured out that we should move tummy time to the chair, and voila(!):
You started rocking tummy time!
You rocked tummy time so hard, you started rolling over. Then you did it again. and again. Now every time I put you into tummy time you just roll out of it and then look up at me like ha-Ha! I kinda love it. You’re a rebel already. 🙂
In the mornings after you wake up, I bring you into the bed and announce “Bean in the bed!,”and we lay with you for a few minutes all together as a family until you dad has to go get ready for work, and we get up to start the day. I unwrap your swaddling blanket, and you look like a little butterfly. I want to remember these moments in the mornings. . . the sight of your sweet face as you stretch and crinkle and wake up to welcome the day. You are so precious and so loved.
Our days are getting easier too. You’ve been napping like a champ. We went to yoga three times this week (hooray!), and you are still sleeping at least 8 hour stretches at night. I’ve even been able to put you down half asleep for your naps, and most of the time you’ll pass out on your own. On Tuesday or Wednesday, your dad came home and I told him you had an A+ day. He said we shouldn’t grade you and just to give you a gold star. You’ve been having gold star days, my love! Gold STARS for days.
When you have a child, a bean (like you), it really is like a small fragment of your soul is planted in that little child. You carry my heart. You carry it in your heart. When you and I are apart I feel like a little piece of my soul is missing. There’s this little hole. And it’s not like I can’t enjoy myself without you, I can. But there’s a yearning to be with you and near you that I can’t describe well yet. As I write this I can imagine my mother (your Gigi) reading this and saying, wait until she turns 18 and goes to college. And I have imagined it, and I can’t fathom how I’ll cope.
Last week I went to a class about how to hire a nanny. There were about seven other parents in the class, and they all had kids that were a few months older than you. As the instructor described the questions to ask in interviews and all the factors to consider, I spontaneously started weeping. It was embarrassing, but I couldn’t stop myself. When the teacher asked me what was wrong, I kind of sputtered that all of this was terrifying. . . that I couldn’t imagine handing you over to anyone else. . . that I guess I was just too close to you right now, that you were just too young. . . just . . . just . . just.
This week, your dad and I went out on our very first date night. Your auntie Tiffany came over to take care of you, and of course, you were crying hard. Eventually we just had to leave you, and I almost ran out the door. I knew that if we didn’t go NOW I might not be able to leave you. I cried several big drop tears as we drove away. The hole in my soul was thumping, and I felt like I could hear you crying. About an hour later, Tiff texted to say you were safe and sound and sleeping, and I breathed a big exhale. I’m sure that being apart from you will get easier.
We adore you, our little bean. We feel so lucky and so honored to be your parents.
You are so very loved, my Beanshine, always,