Today you are three months old! I am grateful for every moment these three moments have brought us. I have learned so much and felt so much and experienced so many amazing firsts thanks to you.
This week has all been about family. You’re half way through your first visit to Alabama.
You took your first cross country flight, and we survived. We survived the tears, diaper changes in midst of turbulence, and gate to gate screams. People were kind and generous. You and I were both exhausted and fussy by the time we arrived.
I have been so proud for everyone to meet you. I’m so proud of how magnificent you are. You’re talking and smiling, and you shine your beanshine spotlight at folks and that wide-eyed beautiful soul beams right out of you.
And even when you cry, your hard cry. . . the one where your face turns red and your mouth opens wide and big warm tear drops come rolling down your cheeks. . . even then, I am proud of how fierce and bold you are. When something is wrong you let the world know it. You sometimes even talk when you’re crying. And your hair is growing like crazy this week. It’s crazy how these things sometimes seem to happen literally overnight.
I’m sure this week has been overwhelming and scary to you. You’ve been introduced to so many new faces and places, smells and sights. You met your grandpa, two of your uncles, your three Hanson cousins, and your great grandparents all in just a few days! Each time I kept pinching myself and thinking, I’m watching my daughter meet her family for the first time. It’s felt so surreal. To see my dad hold you for the first time and hear you coo and see you smile at him. Your grandfather.
I watched you see your cousins for the first time, and you stared at them in awe. Some day you will run and play and chase them, but this week they were brand new. There are no words to describe how much love and gratitude and wonder I have felt this week.
Now that you’re here, my sweet daughter, family is so much bigger and means so much more.
This week has been such a good reminder to me that all the people, places, and things in our lives that come to be the dearest and most familiar to us all started out one time or another as new and unknown and by extension each new place or face that we encounter as we move through life might one day come to be your dearest and most familiar. Don’t be afraid to face the unknown, my love!
This week I watched you meet your family– the people who are strangers to you now but will one day be your safety net. I carried you into your grandparent’s house for the first time. Some day you will run through these halls breathless with laughter from playing so hard you are filled with joy, and the house will remind you of holidays, grandpa’s home cooked meals, and Gigi’s hugs. But this week it was just a new place with new smells and sounds and light.
It makes me think of the first time I met your father (on thanksgiving day 2006-we played guitar hero) or of the first time we barbecued in our backyard or the first time I felt you kick. All those precious beginnings have built this beautiful life we get the chance to live and have lead me here to you.
I’m so grateful that I’m getting to see the world a bit through your eyes. It helps me to try to take fewer things for granted and to live as fully and as brightly as I can for you and for me.
Last night, I held you in my arms with my mom and my grams by our sides and just like that there were four generations of daughters and mothers frozen in time:
From my mom and my grandmother, I have learned the true power of love, and so gratefully I promise to continue the tradition and to love you with all of my heart and to support you with all that I am.
Although being a mom is the scariest thing I’ve ever done (talk about how firsts can be so scary), I’m so, so humbled and grateful that each day I get the chance to be your mom. I’m sure that I’m fumbling a lot at this whole motherhood gig, but I promise to keep being grateful for each new precious first. And as more new scary firsts come along for you, I promise I’ll be right here beside you as long as you need me to support you however I can.
You are so loved, my Beanshine, always,