Time is a funny thing. Here we are, and you are seven months old.
Seven months of growing and changing and learning to live in this new world. That goes for the three of us.
I am in awe of you and this stage of Beanshine.
You’re this close to crawling. You’re learning to hold things in your two hands. You’re feeling the weight of the ground underneath you. You’re balancing and moving and making each day your own.
Seven months. Recently a friend told us they love that mischievous, twinkle in your eyes. I love it too.
Your father keeps saying you’re growing into your face. You are. Your cheeks. They keep growing, and I can’t help but kiss them. Cheeks for days. Your seven month self is at the tip top of your cheek game.
You laugh when I dance to Uptown Funk, and you smile when I sing Only Love on repeat. You’re a beam of light. Sometimes I just watch you while you sleep and cry a little. Tears of gratitude and love and hope because you’re here.
This is the life that love built.
I’ve always known I wanted to be a mom. I’ve written this and talked about this so many times. I waited my whole life to hold a small baby in my arms and love him or her, so I wasn’t surprised at the joy I’ve felt at becoming a mom. But I never could have prepared myself for being your mom. What a great gift.
This time last year (on the 18th of April-Easter), I laid on a cold bed in a dark room and clung tightly to your father’s hand. The tech doing the ultrasound slipped early on and said “she” and in that moment my heart leapt and sang. You were more than just an it. You were a person. And now my heart has learned to leap with the same feeling of pure joy at least a dozen times a day.
I promise you that I will love you and support you all the days of our lives. I will read to you and play with you and cry with you. I will drive you until you can drive yourself and feed you until you can feed yourself. I will always be here for you even when you don’t need me, even when you may not want me.
I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart.
and that smile. that toothless, glorious smile. what beauty.
You are beautiful, my love.
My love can move mountains for you. I’m sure of it.
and in the meantime, I will keep you safe and warm and well cuddled.
You are so loved, my Beanshine, always,