I didn’t miss blogging for a while. I wrote my Friday letters to Bea. I worked. I was a mom. I did lots of dishes and washed lots of pump parts, and I tucked myself into bed most nights before 9pm so that I could patch together enough hours between blurry night nursing to survive my 6am wake-ups and non-stop, slammed days. I read a lot, and I loved that I had time to read.
There was no space for writing or documenting my life beyond the weekly snapshots of this new mom-life and my letters to Beatrice. At least those kept me coming back to this space (albeit often hurriedly before my eyelids dragged me to sleep on Thursday nights).
And most of the time I really didn’t miss it. In fact, I felt a little freer. I didn’t worry about scheduling posts in advance or monthly editorial calendars. I stopped taking pictures of the sunlight through my back windows or the latest recipe I tried. I stopped thinking about documenting my life for a while and just lived it. It was nice. for a while.
Sure, there were things I wanted to write about. I have half a dozen half written essays tucked in the back of my mind that I kept picking up and putting down in quiet moments when I was nursing without my phone or kindle nearby. Notes about living simply (so many thoughts), soaking up the moments, about a grateful life and gratitude in general, and about learning to live for someone else.
But here you stayed, 6 empty days a week that once had been filled with posts and ideas and projects.
Then recently in the last few weeks (nothing changed too dramatically in my days or nights), but I started missing you a bit more. I missed writing about my life and capturing the “me” thoughts. I missed a place to be creative and to dream of making and playing and learning.
So here I am with no guarantees. I have no idea when or how, but I’d like to start writing a bit again. I think this space will be different now (how can it not be. I’m so different. I mean not really but also completely).
So here goes. Thanks for still being here to read these words.