I hope you have had a relaxing and recharging holiday season. We’ve spent quality time with both of our families, snuck away for some kidless adventures with friends, and we’ll be heading back to SF tomorrow.
Here’s a few highlights from our trip so far:
This year feels like such a blur to me.
Family rocked. We had so much fun with the kids. We are really getting used to this family of four thing, and that aspect of my life, building our little fam, has been the tip top.
Work was rocky. Work has been hard for me this year. I succeeded in so many ways professionally, but I failed at the balancing act of being mom and spouse, present friend, and giving my all to my job while still trying to maintain some of me in the process. A good friend and mentor said to me recently that I was trying too hard to be the perfect mom, the perfect boss, the perfect wife, the perfect friend, and I needed to cut myself some slack. It’s the things that sting the most that are often the most true. Maybe it’s about just setting more realistic expectations for myself, but I also think it’s a bit about re-evaluating priorities. or maybe it’s just about survival. Having two little ones under the age of three is an all encompassing stage of life, and so I stopped to remind myself often this year that it won’t always be this exhausting. All I know is that I lost myself a bit this year–to the news, to the fight, to the judgment of others, to the sleeplessness, to the stress. and I’m ready to get myself back in 2018.
I was present. I wrote less, made less, and took fewer photos in 2017, but I was more fully in the moments. My word for 2017 was Intention. I wanted to be grateful. to be present. It was the word I needed in 2017, and it served me well. I practiced a lot of active gratitude this year, and I was more present and more calm. Being intentional about my heart and my time helped me to survive this year. Gentle Curiosity was a mantra I whispered often to myself.
I tried to watch my emotions go by like watching cars on the road instead of hanging off the back of the pickup trucks of anger or running out in front of honking, raging sadness. The watching worked sometimes. and sometimes I was overcome.
I had some epiphanies this year. like the fact that I’m an upholder, that I prioritize the needs and expectations of others over my own. that was a hard truth I’m still rolling around and around.
I am trying to learn to be kinder to myself, but it’s a constant journey.
Some of my favorites from 2017:
- Watching Bea transform into a 3 year old. The singing (she makes up her own songs). The dancing. She made up her first joke–“We’re all booty!”
- When August learned to kiss. His first signs. The first time he said Mama. Those dimples. all the firsts. his giggles.
- Being with Bea in the hospital after she had her tonsils out. the 12 popsicles. The laughs. My bright, sparkly, articulate girl.
- Meeting Cat 🙂
- Watching two sets of dear friends get engaged. Beginning the celebrations.
- reading The Crossroads of Should and Must by Elle Luna
- grocery dates with Bea
- My day dates with Lisa
- finding my wings
- all. my. amazing. colleagues. you know who you are! I’m lucky to have such incredible people who have my back and make my work life so fun and rewarding.
- travels: Atlanta (Hank!), Austin (queso!), San Antonio, Chicago (Cubs!), Paris (Champers and friends and biking across the city), Alaska (kayaking and scootering), Biloxi (Magic! Hot Streak!), and always the happiness I feel when I come home
- every game of spades
- that dinner/ date night Viet and I had at Mathilde’s French Bistro in SF. The half bottle of wine (Domaine Change Cigale 2013)
- a surprise date at Speakeasy SF
- the last time I nursed August
- my birthday weekend with my parents and my brother Andrew. pure magic.
- the time I saved Bea from falling out the window-terrifying but worth remembering (or impossible to forget)
- taking the kids to their first jazz show
- Bea giving Ace his first haircut
- reading with the kids
- Bea asking Alexa to play her favorite songs (Magic by B.o.B & clap your hands by Leo Soul)
- every dinner with Tiff
- my book club
- doing. good. work.
- podcasts! my favorites this year were Reply All, S-Town, and Matrimoney
- Bob’s return
- becoming a COO
As for 2018, I have a few hopes for you:
I’d like to sleep more. exercise more. meditate more. dance more. laugh more.
and I’d really like to write more. It’s the “me” part that got thrown to the wayside at many points this year. Sacrifice isn’t always a bad thing when you’re on a steep uphill on life’s great ride. I get that.
But I must make sure that I make time for creative pursuits in 2018.
My word for 2018 came to me 6 weeks ago, and I’ve been rolling it around in my mind like a little marble. I want to revel in the blessings that I have been given.
My one little word for 2018 is Bask. In my mind it’s like leveling up in gratitude. I want to feel the warmth of this life. To let go of the fear and the stress and feel the sun. For me it means being in my body more. It means letting go of the unimportant things: the stuff, the stress, the mindless filling of time. It means loving myself and delighting in the joy of following my creative heart.
Cheers to you and yours in 2018-